I think that coffee shops are the perfect environment for me to read. It’s busy and noisy enough to keep me from getting bored but quiet enough for me to sit down without distractions and read a good book or ponder a thought. Here is something that has been rattling around in me lately…
I long to be found in His nearness because He longs to be found by me. Does God ever take away his nearness on account of our sin? Or is it perhaps that when we sin that very nearness awakens the pain of wounding the heart of God with our lack of trust or rebellious attitudes. I think that sometimes my mind and heart would rather accept the concept of being distanced for a time then to accept his nearness during these moments of failure. But how has this and does this affect my understanding and knowledge of God? Would I really rather prefer to believe in a God of my own construction to save myself the feelings of Spirit inspired shame when I am confronted with the consequences of my weakness and failure? Does a God who is unconditional in his love and continual sacrificial offering of Himself terrify me so? Have I traded a God of absolute faithfulness to spare myself the effort to obey him no matter what the cost, knowing that failure is bound to happen occasionally and shame is bound to overwhelm my heart at times when it is appropriate for the Spirit’s pruning and development of my character? And instead of my effort to “save” my emotions from the pain of knowing my actions have wounded my Beloved, it has condemned me to a shallowness in my affection of the Maker of my being, the Designer of my heart.
Why have I hidden myself from Him? For I’m beginning to see that I have hidden my heart away from the divine designer who created it in the first place, instead of Him hiding Himself from me. So fearful of it being wounded, I have locked this heart away. Away from people but most importantly from the Creator of it. What does that do to Him? What does that speak to him? How I have mourned the wounds inflicted on it yet have wounded it in far greater ways by holding it captive from the Healer of all ages. I have bound my emotions up, chaining them down for fear of my inability to control them if they were ever given the freedom to be controlled by He who is Love. The few times I have allowed them to love the way they desired to… the way they were designed, the moment they were rejected or I face my failure, I flee. I flee and retreat into the recesses of my being to lick the wounds to terrified to let them out again. However in the darkness, solitude and silence I recognize the whisper of my Beloved calling me out…

“draw near to me, love me, delight in me, pour out your affection on me…adore me. Do not lock them away, I want them. I want them unbridled… I want you.”

And slowly, patiently, faithfully he draws them out, wooing me with great and intimate acts of love. “Trust me” he says. “Love me with all your heart. Love me with all your soul. Love me with all your mind. Trust me. Yes I will ask you to love people, yes some will reject you but I will lead you as you love my sheep. But not with a love that is your own, rather come we will love them together. Come with me, love with me.” Amazing Grace how sweet is thy sound. A river of living water has washed me clean. A great thirst has gripped me, a great thirst He has quenched. Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise.

Bangladesh…

SO this post is a little late. :D I didn’t get around to posting this last Saturday with the fourth being so busy. The fourth of July is one of my favorite holidays. It has always been a HUGE deal for my family. In Bangladesh we would either drive or fly to Dhaka (the capital) and celebrate at the American Embassy and the American Club. It was special (and rare) for us kids to be able to be around other Americans. The missionaries my parents worked with would be from all over the world but mostly Norwegian and so whenever we were in Dhaka we would spend as much time as we could hanging out at a enclosed club for American foreigners. As a child being American meant swimming in pools, eating hamburgers, getting to play on a playground, renting videos and being able to wear pants/shorts and t-shirts (while at the club). Every trip to Dhaka was a treat and I always looked forward to “being American”. My mom and dad did a fabulous job teaching us about American history and various customs that Americans celebrated, especially at holidays. I feel like growing up as a missionary kid I clung to my American heritage furiously because it wasn’t an everyday fact that I was aware of. Fourth of July was the epitome of what it meant to be American to me as a child. We would watch the raising of the flag at the embassy and I would stare in awe as fellow Americans all dressed in uniform would raise that flag. Then we would head over to the Club and with tons of other Americans, that I knew nothing about but didn’t matter since we were all “American”, celebrate all day. There were relay races, swimming races, playground fun, games, face painting, and the coveted “American food” (hamburgers). It was a huge deal. When I came to the States I was so disappointed that although people would celebrate, it wasn’t as big of a deal. Families might get together for a potluck and maybe watch fireworks but there wasn’t the same intense passion. I have noticed that whenever I’m in other countries, when I’d meet other Americans, our patriotism would be awakened and would create a bond of kinship. (Below picture is of the American Club… it’s changed a little since I lived there)

Columbia…

After a couple years in the States I was so blessed to become a camp counselor and celebrate the fourth with a bunch of kids. All the campers and staff would dress up in their camp t-shirts and head out to a town called Columbia in Tuolumne County, California. (http://www.columbiacalifornia.com/) Columbia is a state preserved historic park and a National Historic Landmark. It is a former California Gold Rush boom town and has been preserved to still look like one. On the fourth, we would see people dressed up in pioneer and Native American outfits, we would as a camp walk in a parade, then spend the day walking around visiting the blacksmith, candy shop, soap making shop, a various antique stores and gift stores that all looked like they stepped out of a history book. We got to mine for gold, ride a stage coach, participate in watermelon eating contests, egg tosses, races, grease pole climbing. We got to here a cannon fire a shot and listen to bands play. It was always a little funny for me because as a kid growing up this is the America I thought I knew. :D Needless to say I returned every year regardless of whether I was working a camp or not. This year has been the first in 10 years that I haven’t been up there celebrating.

Watseka…

I was so looking forward to spending the fourth in a small town with all of its charm unfortunately it rained. Boo! But it was still so much fun to spend time with family. We all got to go over to Legion Park and have a pork chop barbeque (in the rain) then we drove home, hung out for a while and watched a movie. We picnicked on the porch since it was raining still and had such a fun time. Joe made delicious brauts, corn on the cob and baked beans. I feel so honored in many ways to be a part of this beautiful country and to celebrate with my beautiful sister and family. I am blessed indeed!

FREEDOM

As the day wound down I spent some time reflecting on the reasons why I love this country and how I am thankful that the Lord granted me this heritage. I think it came down to two things. I am struck my the beauty of this land and the people here, both will be forever etched into my heart. Second, I get to live in a community where people are passionate about freedom (in as many forms as they can think of). Whenever I think of the freedoms we seek as humans on this earth I am always challenged to examine the difference and similarities to the freedom that God desires for us. What does freedom mean to me? What is the biblical understanding (both Old & New Testaments) of freedom? Is freedom ever attainable for those who do not have a right relationship with God? Am I free? What areas in my life and heart still need to be freed or embrace freedom?  I am overwhelmed with so much when I think of this concept. Overwhelmed by my weakness… by God’s strength… His omnipotence… the fact that God is love… how much God has changed me and what he has delivered me from. I think that the most influential work of freedom in my life that I am aware of other then the God’s forgiveness of my sins is the freedom he has given me in my relationship with him… He has not only freed me from death but has granted me so much freedom in my intimacy with him. He is truly my closest and dearest friend and the Beloved of all that I am and know. This love he shows me brings me to Him in adoration. He has freed me to be loved and to love Him in return.

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” (2 Cor. 3:17-18)

“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” (Galatians 5:1)

 

How and why are you free? Are you free? I want to encourage you let it ring. :D Share your stories with each other, the Lord will use it to bless and encourage. 

Ok, I admit it the title is totally corny but it popped into my head and I can’t seem to shake it out. :D June was a month of discovery! I spent a lot of time doing crafts/projects with the kids both inside and out. May, I felt like I was floundering a little, still trying to discover what I was doing here in Watseka (other than taking care of three adorable children). June I felt like I finally was able to get my feet under me and got a chance to discover some really cool things. Now that July is upon me, I just know that it is going to be such a fun month!! :D A few highlights of June that have enriched my life and solidified the ground beneath me, so to speak, have been…

• Garden/Patio. The outside is so nice right now: raspberry plants, hanging baskets, flowers, bushes have all been planted and hung. We’ve gotten to eat outside a few times and I looked forward to the many warm summer days we will get to spend out there. It is such a relaxation for me to pull out my guitar, the Word and some tea and spend some time with the Lord after the kids are all in bed.
• Discovery of Legion Park. A mile away from the house is a beautiful park that i discovered last weekend. It has little trails and tall trees everywhere. I’m absolutely in love with it. The moment I set foot on the grass and stared up at the tall trees, I was stirred within. It was peace to my troubled heart. Praise the Lord! I’m looking forward to many times sitting next to old trees and seeking God.
• Promises Cafe. A cute and tasty little Christian cafe in town has not only serviced my coffee fix but also provided such a relaxing place to sit and ponder simple but astounding thoughts. I’ve really gotten some great reading time in every Saturday morning.
• Farmers Market. Saturday mornings are one of my favorite days. The Farmer’s Market here in Watseka has been truly a gift from God. I’ve gotten to buy organic veggies every time I’ve been. It’s so much fun walking around and talking to people.
• Wednesday Night bible study with some of the ladies from Trinity Church. This group has really been food for my hungering soul and the worship on Sundays at church has quenched my thirst. It has been such a relief to find women of wisdom and beauty to fellowship with and learn from. God has blessed me greatly.
• Finished reading Dana Chandler’s book Deep Unto Deep. I recommend this book highly. It is full of beautiful insight into the heart of both man and God. More about this to come.

As I’ve been seeking God throughout this last month he has really been teaching me to relax. I have learned that I need this time desperately and I have such a hungering to be surround by beauty. It hasn’t been the easiest lesson to learn and praise God I’m nowhere close to learning it completely. To rest in God, an overwhelming thought indeed. Something that I have been examining is the difference between relaxing and relaxing in God. I find  I am always in need of rest (not necessarily physically though). I feel like I’m going a million miles a minute inside. I find that when I do it on my own, I either get exhausted from fruitless attempts or lazier then a spotted dog, not knowing when to move forward. When I relax in the Lord, in the place of his choosing and according to his time I find beautiful sweet rest. A rest accompanied by peace. What wisdom He has, what beauty is at his fingertips.

A few reasons to celebrate… (besides the list on the right) :D

• July 1 (1824) Ordination of Charles Finney
• July 2 (1752) First English Bible printed in America
• July 11 National Cheer Up the Lonely Day
• July 15 Gummy Worm Day
• July 19 National Ice Cream Day
• July 21-25 National Baby Food Week
• July 26 Parent's Day
• July 27 Take Your Pants for a Walk Day
• July 30 National Cheesecake Day
• July 31-Aug 1 Moby Dick Week
• National Grilling Month
• Social Wellness Month